no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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