I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
