Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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