somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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