At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
