we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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