yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize