He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
