Define "chronic" masturbator.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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