She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
