Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
