I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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