he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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