i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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