I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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