So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
