The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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