there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
