i'm lost and i look like a hooker
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize