I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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