fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
