omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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