I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
