Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize