Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
