Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
