My room smells like vodka and shame
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
