respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
