btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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