What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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