playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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