wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
