I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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