I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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