I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
