Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
