he looks like a really good dad on facebook
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
