did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
