What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
