He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
