I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
