How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
