The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
vagina is talking i cant
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
