He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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