In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
