Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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