I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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