You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize