I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
