People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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