I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
