hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
