She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
