Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
