My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
