at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
