Im at strip club and am horny
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
