yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
