We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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