I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
