i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
