there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
