I hope mine doesn't look like that
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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