Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
