The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You made out with two different species that night
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
