My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
