Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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