Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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