I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
In America we eat man semen.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
