hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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