when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
